|(image via pinterest)|
I no longer cry in front of our kids. I stopped after one loud-mouthed friend barked, "You're all they fucking have left! Don't let them see you cry!"
Ten months later, and it's still unbelievable: I'm the one who's left. The wild, unpredictable girl with no college degree (my kids think I have one) and a temper readily made for reality television, upon provocation, of course.
I don't know what to make of God's decision, other than I'm here, and I better do the best I goddamn can...
A week before my husband died he said, "You don't always have to be a gladiator Veda."
I remember standing over his hospital bed, nodding at the floor, swiping tears, finally mumbling, "Okay."
He managed a smirk, knowing I was lying.
I am a determined person, have been all my life. My upbringing was interesting, at times incredibly stressful. I add this to say, "I'm prepared."
Every step in life leads us to somewhere. And so here I am, Veda x's 1,000 - my own little army, fiercely protecting the fort, gratefully surrounded by people who love us.
Before Jason lost his voice he'd say, "I just want you and the boys to be happy." They are. Beneath my shield, so am I. I'm happy enough, still able to recognize all the world's spectacular beauty, more determined than ever to capture as much of it as I can.